Long time, no see.

Hello.
Long time ay? I apologise for the lack of posts. Not that anyone particularly reads this or is interested for that matter.

Ermm, not much has changed really, which I guess, is good. Cause I don't like change.
So not much to update y'all on. Got exams at the minute. And I really can't be bothered with them xD they're just irritating, quiet, stressful, headache prone times. The sports hall (where we take the exams) annoys me. Its ALWAYS cold in there. We're too tightly packed in. Its too quiet for too long. Theres always one person with a cough. My stomach always rumbles as they tend to place exams at 1.20 which is normally lunch. Cunts.
I want coursework.

Personal things; haven't really changed. I don't particularly know what my heads doing. Again, no change there.
I feel a bit suffocated, not by anyone. Its no ones fault. The fault is me, well, the decisions I make. I mean, I think the decisions I've made have led to me kinda having a lack of control. For fear of hurting anyone or hurting myself. I don't let ANYONE in. Thats my decision and I have to deal with that.
So, what I don't get is how I can feel suffocated without anyone actually being involved. If you know what I mean.
I told you I was a fucked up child. Baaaaha. :)

Anyway. I'm fine.

God.

You're adorable.

I've ran out of things to write about.

Ermm.

Hello.

I'd love some ideas on what to write about, it could be anything; a question, a topic, deep crap or advice (i suck at advice though, be warned) So yeah, if any 5 of you that read this could gimme something that'd be lovely.

So in this entry imma write my favourite lyrics from songs; most of them are Eminem.

He rambles too much, but his lyrics are pretty brilliant and really relative to my life. He's a poet.

'This will be my last confession, 'I love you' never felt like any blessing. Whispering like its a secret, only to condemn the one who hears it, with a heavy heart' - Florence and the Machine - Heavy In Your Arms.

'You don't get another chance, life is no nintendo game' - Eminem - Love The Way You Lie.

'Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for? Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for. When they know they're your heart and you know you wear their armour and you will destroy anyone who will try to harm her. But what happens when karma turns right around and bites you and everything you stand for turns on you, despite you. What happens when you become the main source of the pain, 'Daddy look what I made', 'Dads gotta go catch a plane'' - Eminem - When I'm Gone.

'And when i'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn and rejoice everytime you hear the sound of my voice. Just know that, I'm looking down on you smiling. And I cannot feel a thing, so baby don't feel no pain, just smile back' - Eminem - When I'm Gone.

'I'm supposed to be the soldier, who never blows his composure. I know I hold the weight of the hold world on my shoulders. I ain't even supposed to show it, my crew ain't supposed to know it' - Eminem - Like Toy Soldiers.

'And even though the battle was won, I feel like we lost it. I spent too much energy on it, honestly i'm exhausted. And i'm so caught in it, I almost feel like i'm the one who caused it' - Eminem - Like Toy Soldiers.

Paha, completely pointless blog but I DON'T CARE MOTHERFUCKERS.

Time.

I've started writing a diary.
I told my dad that I started writing one. He asked me why I began in the first place. I couldn't answer him. I don't know.
Then he said its either because something changed in your life, you feel like you have no one to talk to or you're upset or sad.
I reckon its a mixture of them all.
I mean, I can hardly call it a diary as such, cause its not what i've done in the day. Its how I feel about things that have happened ages ago. Basically a massive rant about people I adore or dislike. Theres one person that tends to pop up quite frequently, which is odd.
Its a he. OMFG right? xD
Anyway hes like. cool. So I just ramble about his coolness.
Then theres a loada shiteee about my friends, family and shiz. My friends = good stuff, about how incredibly amazing they all are. Family = ok stuff, about how annoying yet amazing they are.
I don't know what to call it. Its like a blog but not online and no one can read it :)


It makes me sad that you're sad.

Meet me on the equinox

MEET ME HALFWAY xD
~
anywho.
hello.
i was just thinking how complicated life is.
scrap that.
how complicated i make my life.
~
I need to grow up.
~
I wish everything could be simple. The world would pretty much rock that way.

So murderers, instead of pleading not guilty, just plead guilty and get the whole thing over and done with.
So wars, just end. Just someone make a decision to all be content with each other and end.
So love, people should make up their minds, love that person, die together, and voila.
So death, instead of dragging it on with painful, pointless things like cancer, just die quickly, to save all the pain.
So personal statements, please come into Frans mind so that she can scribble it all down and get into Uni.
So poverty, why doesn't someone fly a plane to africa and drop pencils from the sky so that the kids can actually write. Or drop chocolate bars and walkers crisps so that they won't die of hunger.
So natural disasters, whats the point. Stop being so natural.

But nothing ever works like that does it?

What did you expect?

Pfft I suck at this. Such a cunt.

So enough of the nice blogs. That's not really why I started this whole blogging thing. I blog to moan, and no one needs to listen, its your choice if you read this. I was intending my audience to be complete strangers. No judgement. Just me ranting.

So I will continue to rant, and if you don't like it. PISS OFF xD

Nice weather we're having ayy. I love England.

Anyway, I was thinking today that its really ridiculous to make assumptions. Some assumptions are of course, correct, but if you assume something that is incorrect then that's just very judgemental. I assume, I'm not saying I don't. I'm stupid. Baha. But what really annoys me is rumours. Like, why do people start them? What is the point? ESPECIALLY when you don't know the person you're spreading shit about.

That ticks me off.

That drives me up the wall.

That does my head in.

And also when people assume/spread if someone's gay or straight or bi etc.. ITS NONE OF ANYONES BUSINESS BUT THAT PERSON.

Haha, soz. I'm finished now. I don't make sense.

As you can probably tell. I'm in a shocking mood.

Das Pursuit de HAPPINESS

I'm titless. You're nice. The end.

So, after a few people have noticed how ridiculously depressing my last few blogs were i've decided to do a very very happy blog.

SMMMMMILE EVERYONE :D

Yeah, so erm apart from having a pissing cold and cough i'm feeling fine and dandy really. Not gonna lie, a few things could be better. But lifes never perfect so i'm very much content :)

I well love Saturday nights on the Tv. I watched walk on the wild side followed by total celebrity wipeout followed by the x factor followed by Qi and then went on Facebook for approximately 3 hours xD. I love staying in on a Saturday night :)

I have SO MUCH homework. Not happy about that tbh. A french essay, 18374 shoots to do in photography with 0 models, an english chapter to read and i CBA to do any of the above. I'm so passing A2.

But i don't care. CUZ I LUV LYF.

inabizzle. brap.

luvin all ma homies 4 eva.

u no hu u r. bluds.

Heart Vacancy.

I feel unworthy.

Like i'm not doing my best to stay in touch with, people.

Its difficult because i don't want to feel like i'm suffocating anyone, so i keep my distance from pretty much every important person in my life.
I mean, even my parents.

Its ridiculous, but i can't really help it.

I was having one of those days where i plug my ipod in my ear, play a depressing song, and think about how crap my life is. When really its not.

I have great friends, people that care about me, i'm healthy and i'm doing okay in life. But everyone has bad days right? I think i thrive off of the depression, if that makes sense. I like dramatic shiz. I like to think i'm in some sort of movie.

I'm not at all dramatic when i talk to people, but when i'm alone i think of situations 3x worse than my current existance.

I always talk about crap depressing stuff don't i xD i should really stop. Its just how i'm feeling.

Anyway, The Wanteds new single is pretty lush.

Ya wanna no what pisses me off?

People who talk to you, then suddenly feel the need to not talk to you.

Gahhh. Lifes a bitch.

I've also decided that i no longer like my new english teacher. It took us one hour to read 9 pages, and it was possibly one of the most boring hours of my entire life.

Moving on. I love Ron Weasley.

Bye.

I wish things could turn out how everyone wants them to. Life would be so much easier that way.

But that never happens, does it?

Which is F**KING LAME.

Anyway, it was the first day back at school today. We got our timetables and the usual Helen Brown 'chat'. Even though the assemblies are only around half an hour long. They drag man. I wouldn't mind so much, but she repeats herself. A lot.

Also as i usually do, i check if anyones changed, physically. Like haircuts etc.

It was nice to see everyone again. I felt different somehow, like older or something. I don't know, that sounds stupid because of course i'm older. Ha.

Lastly, I actually like my new english teacher, which shocked me slightly. I felt like i learnt more in that lesson than i had done in the last year or so.

HOW REFRESHING.

He doesn't want the company.

...

You know when...

I having one of those phases. You know, when nothings going right.

I feel like everyone hates me and is ignoring me when they're probably not. Its very odd, but i'm sure it'll pass.

Yeah thats pretty much it today.

Oh and i bought some plastic spiders for a phobia shoot i'm planning. I'm also thinking about getting tumblr?

Well i'm back from Exmoor. I had fun. But i missed Leicester rather too much. My dad made me walk alot. And i'm not the best walker in the world, therefore my legs are bruised all over and i cannot walk up or down stairs without difficulty.

I haven't picked up my AS level results yet. My mum has them and she hasn't opened them. I'm dreading it. Not because of my grades. Because to be honest i couldn't care less if i got crap ones. Its more the disappointment on my parents faces that gets me down. Like when i got a U a while back. Literally the worst day ever xD

I'm a screwed up child.

Anyway, whilst i had free time on holiday, and nobody was contacting me, i edited a few pictures that i have taken. I've put words on them. Very sad, pathetic quotes about a load of rubbish. But i don't know, i was probably hormonal at the time. Please excuse my lack of concentration and the excessive rubbishness coming from my mouth. But i NEED sleep. I'll be better in the morning and will probably delete this blog. paha.

OK. I'm also a pathetic excuse for a girl, and i severely apologise. I should just reincarnate (not sure if thats how you spell it) into a centipede or something.

You can LOL. I won't be offended :D

Oh and you have to click on the pictures one by one to see them in full. Not that you'd want to anywho xD

#3

I'm in a loving mood.

#2

'For what its worth, I think you're amazing'

...

You're exactly what I need

But everything I want.

If you're not around,

My heart beats that tiny bit slower.

I am in a field, with only a blanket of flowers

and you're not here with me.

The lonliness swallows me up,

and my breath becomes too short.

I lay on the ground and look up,

at the pristine, clear sky.

But I feel nothing, no emotion.

Without you the world is numb to me.

And yet the earth still turns but I remain frozen.

Alone.

HA. Just a random thing I wrote a few months ago. Its crap. But was appropriate at the time.

♥♥ LOVElove.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

♥ Edward Westwick.

♥ Edward Westwick.

♥ Robert Pattinson.

♥ Edward Westwick.